


The Folly of the Beast

by Manderine (Manderin3)



Category: Darkest Dungeon (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, hhh I don't know how to tag things, mild violence, tiny bit of fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 04:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17842481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manderin3/pseuds/Manderine
Summary: After a particular incident while exploring the Ruins, Bigby (Abomination) confronts himself about the danger he emposes on his companions, particularly his lover, Dismas (Highwayman.)





	The Folly of the Beast

**Author's Note:**

> Ok hi hello! This is my first AO3 post so I hope y'all like it. I wrote this up a bit over half a year ago, it's kinda self indulgent but whatever. I just a fan of the Abomination and this specific ship. Also, I refer to the Abom/Plague Doctor/Hellion as Bigby, Paracelsus, and Boudica since those are the "default" name those classes are given. Hope you enjoy! :)

Dim sunrise poured between the ragged curtains hanging above the dusty windowpane. As it sprawled into the rest of the bedroom, the Abomination realized how long it had been since he had seen natural light. His party had just returned from their recent venture into the Ruins, and while no dire complications arose, all four were anxious to rest at the inn.

It was a rundown and uncleanly place, on par with the dilapidated state of the rest of the Haven. Though according to the Heir, it was the best in town, and Bigby was in no position to refuse the free hospitality.

Sitting at a wooden vanity tucked in the other corner of the room, Bigby’s head slowly rose to meet his reflected gaze in the mirror. His tired eyes took the moment to study himself: his unruly hair, freshly washed for the first time in awhile, the ever-present brand on his forehead, the deep bags under his eyes, and some new cuts and scrapes from the recent battles.

His arms crossed his chest as he reached to rub his neck, feeling oddly exposed in the lack of his chains and cloak. But Bigby’s appearance was the least of his concern. He let out a muted breath, closing his eyes as he recalled the memory.

 

It was a skirmish against the undead, towards the end of their scouting. Most of the party was already on the edge; many injuries and trials had already been suffered. Despite his wariness, Bigby went ahead and used the powers of his Eldritch blood, which enabled him to transform into a monstrous creature. There was always a risk when allowing such a vile nature to take over, but he felt it was worth it to finish the battle quickly.

However, just as the last fiend was bound to fall, the undead Arbalest landed a lucky shot, launching a stray crossbow bolt right into Bigby’s shoulder. The beast shrieked and staggered backwards, just as Boudica finally slayed the cursed archer.

He had failed to realize this was his breaking point. His mind whirled, struggling to cling to rational thought. The haziness of his wild form began to grow closer in, until he could feel his poisoned blood pumping behind his eyes. Clenching them shut, he could barely make out Paracelsus’s words as he moaned in pain. ”We can’t let this wound go unattended. We need to calm him down.”

He heard gentle footsteps approach, and recognized Dismas’s voice immediately. “Bigby, it’s alright. They’re gone now. Let us help you.”

There was a faint, fleeting desire, begging to trust him. Bigby warred with himself, elongating his exhaustion until he succumbed under his fears, now loud and palpable.

_ No. He’s lying. They always lie to you. They’re going to hurt you. They have made you suffer. YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM BEFORE THEY CAN. _

As the intrusive voices overwhelmed him, the beast snarled his teeth, bile saliva dripping from his mouth. As he opened his eyes, he could make out a blurred figure coming ever closer. It could be another monster, a lowly brigand, or a holy soldier determined to lock him up only to defile and torture him. Whatever it was, he had to defend himself from it.

The figure took another step, and the voices screamed to attack. With a violent roar, the beast swung forward with a raked strike, feeling his claws connect with the shadow’s flesh. He gained a morbid rush of adrenaline, hungering for blood and destruction.

A pained yell erupted, and the voice snapped the beast out of his rage. His eyes, once blazing and furious, finally softened, only to fall upon Dismas, collapsed on the ground. He clutched his cheek, his concerned eyes meeting the gaze of the transformed Bigby. The beast’s massive shoulders slumped, frozen in horror of his own actions. Feeling faint, he sank down into his human form, where the Plague Doctor immediately rushed to his side.

 

Bigby winced as his finger traced over the fresh scar, reliving the pain of the memory he associated it with. He looked towards the mirror again, but now could only see a pathetic, shambling creature in his reflection. How could he face them again after his actions? Perhaps it would he decided that such an Abomination was no longer trustworthy, and they would cast him aside like everyone else had.

Worst of all, he had ruined any trust he held with Dismas, whose embrace he once cherished. To think that such a man could love such a creature in the first place. Bigby now knew that Dismas had just reason to despise him now, no matter how Bigby longed to see him again. He already missed seeing his smile, hearing the light in his voice, feeling his warm and calloused hands. He was certain that all that would be left in that man’s heart was hatred.

As his fears surmounted, Bigby heard a knock on the door. He froze. Another knock came, this time with a voice, that unmistakable voice…

“...Bigby?”

Questions whirled through his mind, but he knew it was no use to ignore him. He slowly opened the old wooden door, only to meet Dismas. One glimpse, and Bigby was swiftly reminded of the new gash across his visitor’s face. Bigby quickly opened the door the rest of the way, pacing to the other side of the bed, and sitting with his back facing Dismas. It felt like a punch in the gut to see the injury he inflicted once again.

Dismas quietly shut the door behind him, carefully walking towards Bigby. He sat next to him on the bed, the frame creaking under their combined weight. The proximity only made the Abomination curl even more into himself. Dismas gingerly reached for one of his hands, but Bigby rejected it. “No… I can’t…”

“I didn't mean--” the Highwayman grimaced as he stumbled on his words, “it’s just-- please, tell me what’s wrong.”

Bigby gave out a weak laugh. “What’s wrong? I lose control and  _ attack you, _ and you ask what’s wrong?” He turns towards Dismas. “You don’t understand. Having this body-- being this  _ thing-- _ puts everyone I know at risk. No wonder they hate me. No wonder they think I’m disgusting. I can’t even trust myself. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve any companionship! I am doomed! I am  _ cursed! _ I’m just a filthy, good-for-nothing, horrible…” His voice begins to trail off as he feels tears form in the back of his eyes.

Before he can continue, Dismas abruptly wraps his arms around Bigby. With his head pressed against Dismas’s chest, he no longer holds back and begins to sob. Tears tingle against his cuts, and roll off onto Dismas’s shirt. His body shakes with each heave as all of his pains, fears, and loathings are finally released. Bigby clings on to Dismas to steady himself, ashamed of the vulnerability he burdens, but thankful that Dismas is tolerant.

A few moments after the tears had ceased, Dismas gently lifts Bigby’s head with one hand under his chin, wiping off his face with the other. The hand lingered on his cheek, and Bigby placed his own on top, grasping his fingers. He could now see a faint glistening in Dismas’s eyes, perhaps sorrowful to see Bigby in such despair. He breathed slowly, relishing in the warmth Dismas radiated.

“You know that isn’t true,” Dismas murmured, “you have to believe that. Hell, I’m no saint, either. I’ve done tons of shit I’d love to take back.”

Bigby’s gaze fled as he recoiled into Dismas’s hand. He felt guilty for not considering how he felt. Perhaps their struggles were more similar than he assumed.

“But you know who helped me treat myself better? It was  _ you. _ You forget how genuine and considerate you are. I swear to God, you’re my better half,” Dismas added with a grin. “You don’t need to apologize. I know it wasn’t you. You’re so much more than what you think you are. What’s happened to you doesn’t define you. I know it’s hard, but I  _ know _ that you are strong enough…”

Bigby gave a weak smile, noticing the completely enamored look on Dismas’s face. He found comfort in staring back into his eyes.

“Please don’t doubt it, Bigby. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I won’t leave you.”

The words hit Bigby with the weight of Dismas’s sincerity. “... do you really mean that?”

Dismas picked up Bigby’s hand, sweetly kissing the back of it. “Every word,” he whispered.

A wave of relief overcame Bigby as he blushed. He returned it with a kiss on the lips, unafraid to linger for a moment or so. With their foreheads pressed together, they locked hands, their attention fully on each other.

“I love you, Dismas.”

“Love you, too.”

Letting their bodies relax, Dismas layed down on the bed, with Bigby curled into him, resting his head on his chest. It felt like he could truly relax for the first time since their return. There were no enemies, no peering eyes, no cruel judgements. Only safety and comfort.

Dismas’s fingers ran through Bigby’s hair, marvelling at how soft and clean it was. Bigby laughed, and he began to trace the scars on Dismas’s arm with his fingers. The sun continued to break through as they freely chatted about whatever nonsense came to mind. After all, they had no other plans, and were perfectly content on enjoying each other’s company.

The roads were always rough and uneven, but they had found each other. Despite the cruel hands life had dealt them, they were happy. It was unapologetic, because for once they each allowed themselves such a thing. They finally found their home, and neither of them were going to move an inch.


End file.
